Yes, I still live!

To all of my friends, family and followers...I'M SORRY!!! I haven't posted in a very long time and there is no excuse except for laziness. As most of you already know, I am in remission! I had my 1st "post remission" PET Scan on August 14th and found out on the 18th that again, I have a clean bill of health! At least on the Cancer side of things. I did recently find out that my Kidney Stones are back but what can you do...??
On a more crummy note, my husband lost his job on August 11th and is really getting stir crazy not working. Between he & I, we have filled out 17 applications and he has interview with one company. That is the one job we are all praying he gets. He will be home with his girls and I every night of the week!! YAY!!! It has been so awesome having him home every night but at this point, for his own sanity, I hope something comes up for him soon.
Well, I guess that is all for now. Just trying to get myself in to the mood to start cooking meals for my family again & looking for new ways to save our pennies. It is getting too close to the holidays to not start cutting back somewhere!!

Have a most wonderful & blessed day, week and month! Not too sure how often I will get to check back so I want to be sure you all know I am thinking of you always!

Hugs & smiles...

Kristi

Yes, I do still live...and will kick this!!

April 27, 2009

Well, I did in fact survive round 2 of Chemo and am now feeling the after effects of toxic cocktail #3.  This time was different...not sure why.  Maybe the extra week that I had to recoup from #2 had something to do with it.  My wbc's were way up (for me) and my rbc's were down??  What's up with that??  Anyway, the side effects of the actual chemo infusion this time have now rid me of yet another fast food restaurant.  McDonald's Big Macs are no longer a favorite.  That is a good thing since I will be back on Weight Watchers after this next week or two.   Food right now is not a pleasant thing...nothing is good...but I am still eating it.  I again, don't know what I want...ahhh, the confusion.  The fact that I am on meds to prevent nausea and diarrhea makes me totally feel like my stomach is ready to explode.  Pardon the visual but I need to either barf or crap, neither of which is happening.  I have been having headaches as a side effect of the Zofran.  The steroids have been wreaking havoc on my sleep again but hopefully tonight will be the end of that since today was my last dose.   Typing sucks too...cause of the numb fingers...but the bright spot with this is that I DO know this will get better because it did last week.  It was almost completely gone!!  YAY!!  Now it is back...and is about as annoying as that cat I hear howling cause it wants to go outside - which will get better soon too..LOL!  

Now all I have to worry with is avoiding the "Swine Flu"... ;)

Not feeling it this time around...

April 6th, 2009

Last recoup time was much easier than this one.  I started having rapid heart beats, shortness of breath, headaches and just an all over crummy feeling.  Went to the doc today to have by CBC done again and my numbers are LLLLLLOOOOWWW....to the point that I should not come in contact with anyone that is or has been sick.  Funny thing, I just went back to work this week.  Doctor put me on an antibiotic so pray that this stuff will take care of the Neutropenia that I now have...

The last Chemo on April 16, I will be requesting the shot no matter how painful...in the long run, it is much more appealing than ending up in the hospital!

Some photos...look ma, no hair!

This was me yesterday, April 1st. Not feeling at that good and I guess it showed...

Chemo...take 2!!

4/2/09

Hello my friends...so sorry it has been so long in between posts. I'm telling you this Chemo stuff is for the birds...LOL. I can't decide if I am tired and want to take a nap or full of energy to run a marathon. Either way, since my last post, I have taken on the bald look. It's not so bad except that it makes for some cold mornings. Oh, and I have noticed I have Spock ears. Some men might find that sexy so why should I complain? I almost prefer the bald look to my wigs which is really sad because my wigs are so very cute. It's just a comfort issue I think. It is very difficult to explain but my head sweats and then gets cold and itches and the strangest thing...the dog tries to lick my head...all the dang time!! It is very freaky...LOL. So when I go out, the wig comes on and when I am home, the wig comes off and the dog gets put in his crate...

This 2nd round was a treat because Randy went with me and got to experience the fun associated with sitting for 6 hours watching bags of various colored fluids drip in to an IV. I made every effort to have an entertaining day for us. I brought us some snacks, my laptop with some movies, cards which we didn't even open and books from the waiting room. Within the first 10 to 15 minutes I was drooling so there he sat, bored out of his mind. I put on a movie for him but it was too dark so I tried for another and another until he finally gave in and sat quietly watching. I had to help him with the volume a time or two because the movie he was watching had some foul language in it which I am sure impressed the lady next to us...yes, the lady in the chair next to us READING her Bible!! Ugh, could he not have chosen to watch Fireproof again or All Dogs go to Heaven? Nope, he had to watch some action adventure shoot 'em up movie with the occasional *F* Bomb...this poor lady will our next round. She was next to me the first time but my mom and I were much more reserved I think...LOL.

Oh, during the infusion, my cell phone rang and the number was long distance so in my goofy drugged stooper, I am telling my cousin, Ashley, to hold on...but it was my friend, Dee, calling to wish me well and tell me she loved me. I felt like such a goon...Dee, it was the Ativan if you are reading this!! I love you too!! I was so happy to hear from her...she is such a special friend and for her to take the time to call me that day was just awesome! I know Randy was wondering what the heck I was saying and to who...LOL. I love being out of control mentally and verbally...NOT! So after the call, it seemed like it was time for lunch already! I was suddenly having new cravings. Not the same cheese pizza cravings I had been dealing with from Chemo Round 1. This time it was ONIONS!!! I MUST HAVE ONION RINGS!! My wonderful hubby obliged and off to Jack in the Box he went for a Grilled Sourdough Burger and Onion Rings...I can tell you right now, I may never eat another onion ring as long as I live. The next day those onions were still coming back up. (Sorry for the visual). Once lunch was over, he went back to his movie but the fun had just begun for me. He said he would be talking to me or watching me and then suddenly I would be snoring. Then I would start talking again....and within a few seconds here came the snores. What a trooper he was for hanging out with me that day. I imagine my last Chemo is once again to be reserved for my mommy. She is less likely to hold it against me in the future =)

I can't recall much of the day after that...I think we picked Kodie up from school and then all I remember was sleep...for days. I have been working from home but it would seem as if most of my energy in the beginning was in the evenings. I recall the first Chemo being that way too. The lovely 5oomg of steriods over the first 5 days totally messed me up sleep wise. This time I have had a few good nights but right now, I feel mentally as if I could run a marathon but physically as if I could sleep again, for days. Not happening though. When you have Chemo, you are told to rest...nap when you need it...okay, I need it!! But I can't do it...this is not fair...I want to sleep...I am tired but not sleepy...oh, and I am hungry but nauseous at the same time...figure that one out. It is almost silly the way this stuff is working.

On a very positive note, I went in to see my Radiation Oncologist for my last visit a few weeks ago and I asked him about the new pain that I had recently started feeling. I asked him if it was the Chemo killing the Cancer cells that was causing the pain. His response - "No, the Chemo has done it's job...now your bone is regrowing and that is the pain you are feeling"...I pray that that is what is going on in my body and Dr. Gilbert is correct! I will be happy to say I am in remission for 1 year, 2 years, 10 years & forever!! That is my goal and I refuse to accept anything else. I am open to the fact that just one bad cell can create a whole world of mess for me but I know that God is in control and that won't be happening...there will be no more agressive cells alive to do anymore damage. My whole situation is a testimony as to how wondeful our God is! I will sit any day with a non believer and tell them the whole story of how my Cancer just happened to be discovered...and we can discuss whether this was a chance happenening or if a higher power had His hand in it...the answer in the end, will be perfectly clear...Our God is an Awesome God!!

Now...just have to make it through the next few days of my White Blood Counts playing their dropping games and when that is done and I am feeling better it will be just in time for my last Chemo that is scheduled for April 16th at 9:00am...I say we should have a party!! Anyone wanna come along??

Hopefully I won't wait so long to blog. This adventure will soon be coming to an end and I have hardly fulfilled my duty to keep you all up to date and entertained...I must do better in the future!!

Love you all & thanks for reading!!

Adventure isn't hanging on a rope off the side of a mountain. Adventure is an attitude that we must apply to the day to day obstacles of life - Facing new challenges, seizing new opportunities, testing our resources against the unknown and in the process, Discovering our own unique potentional.

Crazy new haircut...

3/17/09

Well, I went and did it...cut all my hair off. I never thought I would give in but something hit me last Friday night and I decided to go get it professionally chopped off right in to a mohawk. Hey, it's a once in a lifetime for me cause I am almost through with this adventure =) What's the old saying "when life gives you lemons..." Well, life gave me an opportunity to do something I wish I would have had the guts to do in the 80's when it was cool to have funky colored spiky hair. I am pretty sure I am damaging my kids for life...LOL! Nah, really, they were right there with me so it's all good!

Here is a picture of the finished "normal" product...hubby and I with our "Bring It!" looks...we aren't scared!

Oh...and here is my St. Patty's Day Mohawk:

No telling what is next to come...I am gonna enjoy each and every funky hair while I still have them!

Okay, you asked for it...the whole WHINEY TRUTH!

3/11/09

I guess I have been intentionally avoiding blogging about the whole Chemo experience because I didn't want to become a whiney little baby in public. Fact is, you my friends, were not invited to my pity party. It was purely out of love for you that I had not included you to this point. . I wanted to be strong & tough and prove to you all that I could do this....well, I can do this...just not in the way that would make you proud.

I am a mess. I don't feel good and I hate it! I want to be at work with my friends. I want to be part of the group again, not part of me and my laptop sitting at home "free from germs" (yeah right...in my house??) so I don't get an infection worse than what is already brewing in me. Okay, so am I sounding pitiful enough? It's not like they have me on lockdown...truth is, I just have no energy to get up, get dressed and get out there...and in the words of the nurse - "if you can, we would prefer you work from home this week"...yeah, no problem...it's not like the amount of medications you have me on are going to make driving a safety issue or anything...duh.

So here it is...how do I really feel? Well, the day of Chemo, I believe I became a "true ditsy blonde"...I just remember saying stupid stuff and feeling kinda out of it. Towards the end, I felt a lot like I had the flu. I went home and took the nausea meds and probably slept...I can't remember. The next day, I was feeling pretty good but nothing sounded good as far as food....cause nothing had flavor but I never got that strange metallic taste that other people talk about...still, I use plastic utensils. I know I went to church Sunday but that is about it....yawned through most of the sermon...sorry Preacher...The rest is pretty much a blur...I have blisters on the back of my throat, everything I eat or drink makes my cheeks hurt, my nose runs like a faucet, I have had an ongoing dull headache for days...kinda like someone smacked me in the face with a frying pan...waking up in the morning with a 300lb invisible gorilla sitting on my chest is great...making it difficult to breathe. I am shedding like a long haired cat in the heat of the Summer...it's great to see your hair in everyone's food...lol. Adds flavor =) I am so ready to have this crap shaved off...this weekend my friends, this weekend!! Oh, and most recently, Neuropathy!! What a great feeling! My fingertips are numb but my hands feel like someone is sending shocks through the veins down in to my hands and up to my shoulders. Seriously, is that enough? I will save the irritability and mood swings for another day. I am pretty sure this post just knocked me down a few notches on the "we are so proud of you" ladder...

Sorry my friends...the truth of the matter is this...CHEMO SUCKS!

Footprints In the Sand

FOOTPRINTS IN THE SAND

One night I had a dream.

I dreamed I was walking along the beach with God and across the sky flashed scenes from my life. For each scene I noticed two sets of footprints in the sand, one belonged to me and the other to God.

When the last scene of my life flashed before us I looked back at the footprints in the sand. I noticed that at certain times along the path of life there was only one set of footprints.

I also noticed that it happened at the very lowest and saddest times of my life. This really bothered me and I questioned God about it.

"God you said that once I decided to follow you, you would walk with me all the way but I noticed that during the most troublesome times in my life there is only one set of footprints in the sand. I don't understand why in times I needed you most you would leave me"

God replied, "My precious, precious child. I love you and would never leave you during your times of trials and suffering. When you see only one set of footprints in the sand it was then I was carrying you."

Rollercoasters....wheeeeeeeeeeee!!!!

And so the real countdown begins...or maybe I should say, already began. Ever since radiation ended, the positive and happy attitude has gone in to hiding...well, sort of. What began as an "adventure" that I was ready to face head on has suddenly become scary reality that I want to run and hide from. I am having an argument of sorts with my psyche as to why I am going to have to go through hell to feel better when I didn't feel bad as it was. I totally understand that I am blessed to have had this Cancer discovered as early as I did and I should be grateful that there are doctors and medicines that can potentially cure me but still...part of me just doesn't get it. Maybe it is my "inner child" saying how unfair it is...I don't know. Whatever the case, I am scared. Scared of the unknown, scared of the possible side effects, scared of not being able to be there for my husband and kids, scared of falling behind on my job...you name it, I am afraid of it. Stupid, I know but I can't get over the feelings. I have been an emotional mess some days, other days I am strong as the proverbial Ox. I guess it was about time I faced the reality of it all and cried though. It actually feels good to just break down and be human every now and then. I don't want to make a habit of it though...crying that is...not being human! With all that being said, I have an appointment with my Oncologist tomorrow to discuss a few concerns that I am having and I am fairly certain that should calm my fears for the moment. Then again, that inner child of mine is a strong willed brat!

Oh!! I almost forgot!! I got letters last week from my "Chemo Angels" and they both seem very sweet and a lot like me...as in a lot of the same interests. It's kind of cool to have pen pals and I hope I can write back to them and share my life with them! I need to make that a priority this week...plus I have tons of thank you cards to write! I thought I would take them with me to my Chemo appointment and write them then. Mom will be with me so she can kick me in the butt to get them done! I am the worlds worst procrastinator as it is and this situation has not helped a bit! I have asked mom to bring her camera with her so she can take pictures of my treatment...should be interesting.

Alright...enough babbling for now. I have things to do tonight but I just don't have the drive. Blah! I wish I could wake up and this would all be a dream...

Radiation is over...let the FUN begin!!

Radiation ended last Friday and it was a little sad because of the friends I met but happy because I no longer have to endure the skin burning ritual.  Friday night was a celebration of sorts and I had devised a plan of attack to get back at one of the techs for razzing me about some photos he took.  Hey, they were taken against my will!!  Anyway, as of this evening, the plan was set in motion and my life is NOW complete...LOL.  Never mess with the queen of practical jokes!!  Oh, and don't think you can hide from me...I will find you!!  Hahaha...all harmless fun and I will have to go back in 3 weeks for a check up so I am sure this tech and I will come face to face and I will probably get pay back but it was all worth it =)

10 days til Chemo starts...woohoo!  I am gonna enjoy the heck out of the next few days!!!  Anyone up for a party??

1...

Now that my 25 radiation treatments are coming to an end, I decided to recap the experience in photos. Some are not the best pics but you can see where I spent my mornings for the last 5 weeks.

This is Maria, the receptionist. She is a sweetheart and she puts up with my silly rantings every morning!

After I would scan my card and chit chat with Maria, this is the "long walk" I would take...

...down the hall...

...past the nurses station & rooms...

...to the dressing rooms & waiting area.

Here is my dressing room and a picture of me in my "designer" gown:

Here is the lovely waiting area:

And just around this corner:

THE MONSTER:
(and Cassie & Koi - two of the technicians)

Here is a picture of the whole tech team and my Dr. The names noted in the picture are the people that have taken such wonderful care of me!

...and last but not least, a picture of my shoulder about half way through the treatments...take what you see and imagine it about 3 times worse that this picture. At this point you can see a red, irritated, almost blistery rash beginning to appear:

Yuck! It got worse but I will spare you those photos! Through it all, I'd have to say it wasn't too bad. Everyone at NCC took such wonderful care of me and I will miss them all! Hopefully, after tomorrow, I will only be back to visit and say hello!!

Feed your faith and your fears will starve to death.
~ Author Unknown

2...

...I am at a loss for words believe it or not.

3...

Just 3 days of radiation to go. I am so excited but I sure will miss the new friends I have gained. The only thing I WON'T miss is having to expose "my girls" to 2 guys every day. Boy, they pulled a good one on me and rotated techs so for the rest of this week, I get to go through the ultimate humiliation. Could they not have told me that this would be happening so I could...um...have rushed out and gotten a boob job or at least stop eating for a week or five!? I feel..well...I just don't like being on display. They leave the room to do the treatment and I can just picture them looking at me in the camera and making moo noises...LOL. Okay, enough personal stuff.

Short blog tonight...gotta watch American Idol!

Music is what feelings sound like. ~Author Unknown

Life on hold...but only for a moment.

February 12, 2009

Hi everyone...sorry for not blogging much lately. After my last rant, I figured I would make sure my attitude was brighter before I returned. Today was exceptional, though I have felt like a ping pong ball bouncing around inside of a jar. (Like that one? LOL) I feel like I have so many things to do but just not enough time in the day to do them but hopefully I will catch up with myself so I can take a break.

Tuesday's doctor visit was interesting to say the least. Dr. Gilbert wasn't too excited about the looks of my skin - especially under my arm - so he put my last 5 radiation treatments on hold until Monday, in hopes that the redness & irritation would start to heal. So far, no good. It seems as if under my arm has gotten worse so they prescribed me another cream and told me to use this stuff called Domeboro twice a day. I have to "soak" my armpit in this stuff. That alone is a feat...LOL. Actually, it is do-able...just messy. Anyway, we are hoping this will help it to show some improvement by Monday morning when I go back. If all goes well, I will be finished with this part on Friday! Keep your fingers & toes crossed =)

On another note, I have to once again tell you guys, you are the most awesome friends a girl could have! Today I received two crochet (sp?) hats to wear when I lose my hair and another friend made me the most beautiful shawl with a "message" behind it. It was so cool!! I'm gonna look so cute with my new hats & I'll be so comfy with my new shawl. Everyone is so sweet & supportive...it is just the best feeling in the world to know I have so many people praying for me! How can I NOT be positive??

Rhona, Alice, Mary, Bobbie & Jan, Jeanne, Stephanie & Kim...you have all made me feel super special & I truly appreciate your kindness! There are so many of you that I haven't mentioned...but yes, you too are wonderful and your acts of kindness have not gone unnoticed or unappreciated.

I love you all and I sincerely appreciate EVERYTHING!!

"The better part of one's life consists of his friendships."
- Abraham Lincoln

8 more days of shake & bake...Seriously??

February 6th, 2009 - 

When I was a teenager, I used to love to go to the lake with my family.  We would spend all day on the boat and I would typically come home looking like a lobster!  I don't have the kind of skin that tans...unless of course, I go through the pain of a burn to get there eventually, and pray it didn't all peel off  before I could actually claim I had a tan!  Typically, I would burn, blister & peel and become a miserable itching mess!  Okay, so I have learned that this is not fun nor is it intelligent therefore, I gave it up many years ago!  I am proud of my paper white skin because at least I know it is healthy & pain free!  

With all of that just said, how in the hell can I justify 8 more days of torture to my poor skin?  It is getting a bit ridiculous and I am not enjoying it anymore.  Sure, positive attitude is still there...some where.  Last night it got to me when I started having chills & feeling like I was running a fever.  I asked Randy when I could start pouting...LOL.  His answer: "Anytime you want, you are entitled!"  I love my husband!  Just giving me the okay was all I needed to drop my bottom lip and say "I don't like this anymore!" and then I was done.  Well, today, I felt much the same way but who was I going to pout to that would care?  The technicians have seen this all before and the say it's all normal.  Great, normal...getting worse every day is normal...lovely.  And each day that I "cook myself from the inside out" is just making my already sore & scabby skin more sore & scabby!  Lovely...and damn, it's making me grumpy too.  I want to sleep soundly and comfortably and all night through!!!  ARGH!!!   I don't want to wake up itching or in pain so I get the prescription for the special "radiation" cream filled...$129.00...nice...now if that's not painful, I don't know what else is!!

So ladies and gentleman, you have now seen it...Little Miss Sunshine has run away from home for the night and replaced you blogger with Oscar the Grouch...LOL.  Sorry folks...but ya can't expect me to be perky and positive all the time and the way I see it, this is a prelude to what is yet to come on March 5th.  My next blog could be posted my the Wicked Witch of Garland...who knows?

10 more days of fun & a poem shared...

February 4th, 2009:

This morning marks day 15 of radiation...only 10 to go and then my skin will finally get a chance to start healing. That will be a happy occasion. Oh, and I will get to wear deoderant again =)

I want to share something that my friend, Rhona shared with me yesterday. She came across this and said it reminded her of me. Well, to be honest, it reminds me of me...I could have written the same words myself.

The 3 Million Dollar Tanning Bed
By: Kathy Negro/ Breast Cancer Warrior

I walk into the office with apprehension and fear
The diagnosis of cancer is what we all share

Radiation is needed for 6 weeks and 3 days
Completed my chemo and now itʼs this phase

The entire staff is filled with compassion and care
They make you feel as if theyʼve known you for years

A mold is made from my chest to my head
To prevent me from moving and being misread

The next step seems to be exciting and new
Not one, not two but many small tattoos

The first day of treatment seems so surreal
The patients you meet know how you feel

It is time for radiation from the 3 million dollar tanning bed
You get on the table and gently lay down your head

You look up and the ceiling is filled with flowers galore
Your heart starts to beat and you feel anxiety to the core

The staff aligns you and each exits the room
It feels like youʼre awaiting some impending doom

I lie there alone and start to pray
It is painless, this so called radiation ray

Each visit gets easier and the staff becomes friends
Fear, apprehension and anxiety all begin to end

Yes, the skin can get red, blister and peel
But doctors will take care of anything you feel

These words are my gift of appreciation and gratitude
For encouraging me to always have a positive attitude

Each day I walk in, I smile as I have learned to cope
This office has given me care, kindness, but most of all hope

From the front desk to the doctor to each one of you
I am so grateful and proud of the job that you do.

Wow...this is my life right now...almost! Amazing...

I am having my radiation first and Chemo second so other than flowers on the ceiling, that is about the only difference.

I think that even though I am happy this part is almost over, I am a little sad that the people that I have spent the last several weeks with, bright & early every weekday morning, will be a part of my past. I have met some really nice people in the waiting room...people I would love to get to know better but there is not a whole lot that one can say in the 5 minutes we share together waiting our turn. We are all different, though we are all going through the same things emotionally. Somehow we share a unique bond. This whole "adventure" has been unique...and as strange as this sounds, I am glad I am getting to experience it. I would not change my life right now for anything in the world!* Cancer has "changed me"... but in a good way.


Daniel 2:21 -
And he changes the times and the seasons: he removes kings, and sets up kings: he gives wisdom to the wise, and knowledge to them that know understanding:


*disclaimer
I have the right to recant that statement at any time after March 5th, 2009 ;)

Bone Marrow Biopsy results...

YIPEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!

My biopsy came back NEGATIVE so that means only 3 Chemo treatments!

Oh, and better yet, NO MORE BONE MARROW BIOPSIES!!!!!

Check out the SmartShopper!!

Just a brief interruption to the day...not much to post other than I NEED THIS!!! Check out what Blessings Abound is giving away to one lucky blog reader! The SMARTSHOPPER will be the perfect necessity to my "grocery store loving household" and so handy for Randy when I am not feeling up to shopping. Just press the record button, speak and it will catagorize AND print a list!!

Stop by, take a look, leave a comment or subscribe to Jacqueline's blog and maybe you will be the winner!

Halfway there...almost!

Tuesday, January 27, 2009 6:58pm

Today was visit number 11 out of 25 visits to the big radiation machine. Still, there is not much to tell.

I am patiently awaiting the results of my Bone Marrow Biopsy that I had last Thursday. I tried to call all day today but the lines were busy...yes all day!! If the results come back in my favor, it will reduce my length of Chemo to only 3 treatments - one every three weeks. I am seriously praying harder than ever for that because I have talked to several people about the side effects of "RCHOP Therapy" and they are not nice! I fear if I have to take Prednisone for too long, I will end up divorced or in prison...(it's a joke!). Anyway, I may not have many friends during that treatment.

Oh, before I forget...the best thing to come out of last Thursday...RANDY LIKES MY DOCTOR!!!!!!!!!!! Randy hates doctors so this is a major thing...I promise you!! I want him to feel comfortable with my treatment and the doctors that are treating me so I am thrilled more than ever about it!

Okay folks...enough rambling...American Idol is on and I am tired so that's all for now.

Hopefully I will have some good news to share soon...TTFN!!

If you don't like something change it; if you can't change it, change the way you think about it. ~Mary Engelbreit

What day is this? 7 I think...

I know you were expecting news from the visit with my Radiation Oncologist yesterday and I must apologize for not blogging last night. After doing some running around with my girls, I got home and was just beat. I got on Facebook and learned some really cool stuff that I am going to tell you about before I explain with Dr. Gilbert told me.
Back in December I was sitting in the Radiology wating room drinking my lovely Apple Barium, getting ready for a CT Scan. Well as people came and went I looked around the room, feeling very alone becuase this time I chose to go alone. No mom, no hubby, just me. So I saw this friendly young lady sitting behind me and I turned to comment to her probably on the job of gulping down the 2 big cups of Apple Barium. We chatted for a few minutes and she told me her story. I was in awe over how her Cancer was discovered and how open she was to talk to me about it. So off I went for my CT and told her goodbye. Little did I know this same lady was a girl I went to school with and one I reconnected with on Facebook just a few short days ago. As we started chatting last night, one thing lead to another and it seems she was my friend in the waiting room! Small world!! God is so amazing with the way he brings people in to others lives for comfort & support and probably a whole slew of other reasons. She and I even have the same Hemotology Oncologist...it's really pretty wild! Just had to share that with you...she is a great new friend and I am glad I can talk to her about my situation if need be!

So on to what the Radiation Oncologist said....first off in answer to my question as to how we would know the Radiation is working...he said in a few months I would go in for another PET Scan to see how my shoulder looked. No problem...I can do that. Next they looked at my skin and gave me the A+ on that. Aside from a bit of itching, it looked good. Then I asked him about the pain and why is it getting worse than better. It seems to be radiating down my arm and at times, my arm feels broken. Basically the bone is being "remodeled"...the cells are being killed with the Radiation and the bone has to "regrow" healthy cells so the pain I am feeling is normal for now. I have been dragging my behind for the last two days just feeling plain YUCKY which could very well be part of the treatment as my body is working harder to make good cells or something like that. They told me to boost my immune system with vitamin C or something like that. I think I will be eating them by the dozen as I already eat several oranges a day. I am just beginning to feel like I've been run over by a dump truck and I don't like that at all! I guess it could be all the sick people that I have come in contact with lately too...blech to germs!!
Oh, and as for the weight loss...nix that idea for a while. They don't want me to lose too much because it will alter the whole set up with my tattoos and lining me up each day. Then again, I shouldn't be gaining weight either cause that might mess it up too! It's a no win situation...oh well...better days are ahead...it is temporary!
Tomorrow is my bone marrow biopsy and I was terrified of the pain until my wonderful mommy reminded me that not only have I experienced Childbirth twice but I have had Kidney Stones 4 times at least! She said there is no way this could be worse than my last Kidney Stone issue in August of 08. She is soooo right! I will still go in mellow and relaxed with some help from my Xanax or Ambien just so I don't cuss the doctor *I like him* too much =)

Okay folks, off to be tonight...thanks for your kind comments & for proving to me someone does read my blogs!!

It is idle to dread what you cannot avoid.
~Publius Syrus

Whew...I am tired!

January 19, 2009

Hey everyone! Sorry for the long wait in between posts. I know you were just sitting at your computers waiting on the next blog post from me...lol...NOT!

This extra long weekend had me busy with the funeral and visiting with extended family and preparing for a garage sale in the next 4 weeks that I wasn't on the computer at all until now. I checked my mail and Facebook once from my phone but that was it. It seems like I don't have the desire to be on my computer as much lately as I used to. I suppose that is a good thing since I have found I have a lot more going on away from the computer that on it. I was so wrapped up with cleaning out things for the garage sale that I didn't even go to the grocery store Saturday...Randy did! That is going to be a great way to save money. He goes for what is on the list and nothing else...unlike me, who likes to look at everything and buy stuff we don't absolutly NEED.

I think this whole Cancer thing must come in waves because right now my life is pretty boring. The beginning stages were so nerve wracking with the constant testing that I should totally appreciate this "lull" because from what I hear, the best is yet to come. Best being Chemo. YUCK, UGH, BLAH! It is almost like having a baby and going in to that "nesting" phase. I am preparing for the worst but praying for the best and by preparing I mean tieing up loose ends, cleaning my house, talking to my boss & HR about possible Telecommuting, talking to Randy's people about him having time off when I need him...and so on, and so on.
My family is the best! From my mom being by my side through this whole ordeal so far to my sister-in-law and her parents taking care of getting the kids home from school so I can stay at work late to make up time missed to my other sister-in-law bringing us goodies every time she makes a trip to Costco...they are awesome! I know for a fact, I could have never gotten this far alone. I wouldn't want to that's for sure!! I love them all so much - words just can't express how much I appreciate them! The outpouring of love and support has been amazing - thank you to all of you!! I have reconnected with old schoolmates recently on Facebook and even people I hardly knew have offered help. Between my friends, my family and my Church family, I CAN DO THIS! I may have "down" days and "crabby" days (sorry Randy, I love you!!) but at least I am alive to experience those days...right? Right!

I have read (which I do too much sometimes) that a great way to fight the fatigue that comes with Radiation & Chemo is to throw in a little excercise when you can so Kailee and I have challenged each other to lose 10lbs in the next 4 weeks. That may be a little steep but I am wanting to get back to my last Weight Watchers weight before Chemo starts so that I won't gain back everything I lost last year. Yes, I said Chemo & GAIN in the same sentance. The "poison" my Oncologist is going to be using has the lovely side effect of WEIGHT GAIN! Hair LOSS and weight GAIN! I don't get that. In a perfect world it would be weight LOSS and hair GAIN! By hair gain, I mean I would have lovely long locks when this was all over with...and still, who knows, when it grows back I just may!
Sooo, anyway, back to our challenge...tonight, Kailee and I got back on the Wii Fit and weighed in. It had been a long time since either of us had been on that thing. (I was only up 2.9 lbs from the last time I was on.) Now it will be every day for at least 10 to 15 minutes for me. I am going to start slow I think. Maybe I will encorporate walking at lunch back in to my day...what do you think Mom??? Sound good? I think I can spare 30 minutes for my health at least a few times a week now that I am not rushing out the door to get the kids after school.

Okay...I have gone on and on about much of nothing for 30 minutes and now you should all feel so much better...I am alive and doing well and full of no news...that is good news right? Keep praying for that no news thing! I have my 1st appointment with my R.O. since starting Radiation and I have a few questions to ask...1st one being, how do you know this is working? The next one is "if this is working, why exactly do I have to do Chemo?"...that one was Randy's question...but I agree with him. Anyway, I am praying that there will be no surprises and just positive things from him! That will be tomorrows blog...

I am outta here for the night...I am tired but still have a little laundry to do, my lunch for tomorrow to make and my shower to take =)

Hope everyone has a great evening and a very happy Tuesday!!

Every day may not be good, but there's something good in every day. ~Author Unknown

On the 3rd day of Radiation...Can we turn some heat up please??

January 15, 2009

Another good day today but it is soooooo cold! What is with this confused Texas weather??

Thanks to this blog, I heard from a very dear friend today...that is my silver lining. We had not talked in a long time so it was really good to talk about old times and laugh about crazy things I used to do. Apparently, she and I are much alike on our ideas about laundry...I love it. No, I hate laundry, but I love it that we think alike!

Nothing much new to report on the radiation therapy. The technicians were able to line up my marks a lot quicker today so I was in & out in about 15 minutes. I am still waiting to see the so called "side effects". I do notice that I am dragging a little more than normal but I doubt very seriously that is due to being zapped daily! More than likely it is the discomfort from the shoulder pain since I can't have my Remicade infusions anymore. Confused? No clue what I am talking about? Click on that link up there and read the "safety warning" posted on the Remicade website. What really blows is that I actually liked the stuff. It took away the pain for about 4 weeks. Isn't is amazing that a medication given to help one problem could potentially cause Cancer? Oh wait, I remember hearing the oil used to fry french fries can cause Cancer too...and doughnuts...they are fried in carcinogen filled grease...that doesn't stop me from eating them though. Doesn't make a whole lot of sense does it? I think I need therapy...soooo...next time I even mention fast food or a quick fix for breakfast, somebody slap some sense in to me...FOR MY OWN GOOD!!

And to Stephanie...yes, I think Dark Chocolate can be considered medicinal...I think I will go out and grab a bag of chocolates and turn in the reciept on Randy's flexible spending plan!! Thanks for the tip girlfriend! I love ya =)

Okay, I must wrap up my ramblings for the evening. Tomorrow comes too quickly and I am not prepared for the day~
I would like to ask a special request to my friends & family...will you all remember Randy & his family in your prayers please? His Aunt passed away last Monday and we will be traveling to Athens to celebrate her life. She was a very special lady and she will be missed by all.

Until next time...

Smiling is infectious,
You can catch it like the flu.
Someone smiled at me today,
And I started smiling too.

~Author Unknown

Day 2...only 23 more to go!!

January 14, 2009

Day 2 and I am still not "done"...lol. Today's "nuke session" was nothing special compared to yesterday and the ink mess! I got there at my appointed time and changed in to my lovely gown & robe and went to sit and wait until I got called in. A few minutes of waiting and a familiar face walks in! A gentleman we go to church with is being treated at the same place! I am sorry he is dealing with this too but it was nice to see a friend.
Okay, so back to the fun! I get in and situated on the table and it takes the technicians 10 minutes to get all of my "pencil stabs" lined up with the machine. Yes, today my tats look like someone stabbed me with a pencil and the lead is still there...pretty! So once I am lined up, they say "okay, here's your treatment" and they leave the room. The machine comes on and I count...one one-thousand, two one-thousand...and so on. The total time for my radiation...30 seconds! 15 for the front, 15 for the back. I am blown away that in only one minutes time total, I have hit my maximum out of pocket expense for the year! I am not sure what the tab is up to as of today but I do know all I am out is $3800.00. Now my prescriptions, co-pays & any other testing they may do is FREE!!!!!!! YIPEE!!! See, there is a silver lining for the day!

Until tomorrow...keep smiling...I am!

Radiation - Day 1

January 13, 2009

I realize that I have skipped many details from the day I was diagnosed until today, day 1 of my 25 day radiation but I am pretty sure in time, it will all come out. Not in the order it happened but it will come out. For now, here are the basics of it all:

I have a Radiation Oncologist, Dr. Edward Gilbert, a Hematology Oncologist, Dr. Manish Gupta, and an Orthopedic Oncologist, Dr. Al Mollabashy. I will have 25 days of IMRT at Northpoint Cancer Center with Dr. Gilbert and then 3-4 months of CHOP Chemo with Dr. Gupta. I am not exactly sure what my relationship with Dr. Mollabashy will be anymore but still, I am supposed to visit with him some time next month. He left his permanant mark on me Dec. 23rd when he did the biopsy. He has officially been banned from anymore physical contact with my shoulder...haha...nah, he is a nice guy, I swear!

The radiation therapy is first. I started that today and I tell you, I look like I let a toddler loose on my upper body with a black Sharpie!! The radiation itself wasn't too bad but in order to be able to line me up properly each time, I had to be marked on and tattooed with a needle that resembled something used to knit a sweater! Okay, not really, more like a sewing needle. I used to think I wanted a tattoo but after today I have decided that I was a IDIOT! No offense if you have beautiful artwork on your body...you are a stronger person that me! My tattoos are more like a dot to dot page in a coloring book. I asked for hearts and stars but I guess with radiation, you don't get a choice...they aren't professional tattoo artists...they are my own team of professional killers! Cancer cell killers, that is.

I have a whole new skin regimine to go along with this that includes 100% Pure Aloe Vera Gel, Huggies Natural Baby Wipes, Johnson & Johnson Pure Cornstarch Baby Powder, Basis soap and sports bras. No metal anything is to even so much as think about coming near my "radiation zone". No shaving, no deoderant, no perfumes, no sunlight & no support bras *eeek!* Pretty soon I will have no friends...kidding!!

The day I walked in the house with the baby wipes and baby powder, my youngest daughter walked in and asked if we were having a new baby. The expression on her face was priceless even though she is very well aware that couldn't possibly happen...but still, she is so cute...for a teenager =)

Enough already about today. It was the most exciting, I am sure but there are 24 more to go so I should save fun for the rest of the days to come!

And so my journey begins...

January 13, 2009

I have decided to create this blog as a place to share my progress with friends and family as well as a place of inspiration to anyone that passes this way that might be dealing with Lymphoma or know someone that is.

I was diagnosed on December 30, 2008. It was all a big fluke to begin with and I won't drag out the long details here but just know, something as little as an ongoing pain in my shoulder turned out to be Malignant B Cell Lymphoma. The Pathology report shows a much longer diagnosis but I don't have it with me and really, it doesn't matter anyway. My case is considered rare to the doctors that are treating me because it is not in the Lymphatic system...it is in my bone. In fact, the Orthopedic Oncologist that did the biopsy was a little stumped I think. They have all "heard" of this...but never have they seen anyone with it until now. Leave it to me to be unique. I always have been just a little different than others and guess what? That is what makes me me!

I chose to call this an adventure rather than a battle because Webster's Dictionary defines "Battle" as:

1. a hostile encounter or engagement between opposing military forces.
2. participation in such hostile encounters or engagements.
3. a fight between two persons or animals.
4. any conflict or struggle.

and "Adventure" as:

1. an exciting or very unusual experience.
2. participation in exciting undertakings or enterprises: the spirit of adventure.
3. a bold, usually risky undertaking; hazardous action of uncertain outcome.
4. a commercial or financial speculation of any kind; venture.
5. Obsolete.
a. peril; danger; risk.
b. chance; fortune; luck.

If you had a choice, which sounds like more fun? This "adventure" is a gift from God. It is something I have been given for reasons unknown to me. It is something that will help me to learn and grown and maybe even give me an opportunity to help someone else in the future.

I have accepted this gift, though not graciously, I will be the first to admit. I have cried many tears, expressed pity and anger and even whined about how unfair it was. That is my right though. I am entitled. I am sure there will be many more twists and turns on my adventure that I may not like or be able to laugh about but I will find a way to overcome all obstacles that may get in the way...