Yes, I still live!

To all of my friends, family and followers...I'M SORRY!!! I haven't posted in a very long time and there is no excuse except for laziness. As most of you already know, I am in remission! I had my 1st "post remission" PET Scan on August 14th and found out on the 18th that again, I have a clean bill of health! At least on the Cancer side of things. I did recently find out that my Kidney Stones are back but what can you do...??
On a more crummy note, my husband lost his job on August 11th and is really getting stir crazy not working. Between he & I, we have filled out 17 applications and he has interview with one company. That is the one job we are all praying he gets. He will be home with his girls and I every night of the week!! YAY!!! It has been so awesome having him home every night but at this point, for his own sanity, I hope something comes up for him soon.
Well, I guess that is all for now. Just trying to get myself in to the mood to start cooking meals for my family again & looking for new ways to save our pennies. It is getting too close to the holidays to not start cutting back somewhere!!

Have a most wonderful & blessed day, week and month! Not too sure how often I will get to check back so I want to be sure you all know I am thinking of you always!

Hugs & smiles...


Yes, I do still live...and will kick this!!

April 27, 2009

Well, I did in fact survive round 2 of Chemo and am now feeling the after effects of toxic cocktail #3.  This time was different...not sure why.  Maybe the extra week that I had to recoup from #2 had something to do with it.  My wbc's were way up (for me) and my rbc's were down??  What's up with that??  Anyway, the side effects of the actual chemo infusion this time have now rid me of yet another fast food restaurant.  McDonald's Big Macs are no longer a favorite.  That is a good thing since I will be back on Weight Watchers after this next week or two.   Food right now is not a pleasant thing...nothing is good...but I am still eating it.  I again, don't know what I want...ahhh, the confusion.  The fact that I am on meds to prevent nausea and diarrhea makes me totally feel like my stomach is ready to explode.  Pardon the visual but I need to either barf or crap, neither of which is happening.  I have been having headaches as a side effect of the Zofran.  The steroids have been wreaking havoc on my sleep again but hopefully tonight will be the end of that since today was my last dose.   Typing sucks too...cause of the numb fingers...but the bright spot with this is that I DO know this will get better because it did last week.  It was almost completely gone!!  YAY!!  Now it is back...and is about as annoying as that cat I hear howling cause it wants to go outside - which will get better soon too..LOL!  

Now all I have to worry with is avoiding the "Swine Flu"... ;)

Not feeling it this time around...

April 6th, 2009

Last recoup time was much easier than this one.  I started having rapid heart beats, shortness of breath, headaches and just an all over crummy feeling.  Went to the doc today to have by CBC done again and my numbers are the point that I should not come in contact with anyone that is or has been sick.  Funny thing, I just went back to work this week.  Doctor put me on an antibiotic so pray that this stuff will take care of the Neutropenia that I now have...

The last Chemo on April 16, I will be requesting the shot no matter how the long run, it is much more appealing than ending up in the hospital!

Some photos...look ma, no hair!

This was me yesterday, April 1st. Not feeling at that good and I guess it showed...

Chemo...take 2!!


Hello my sorry it has been so long in between posts. I'm telling you this Chemo stuff is for the birds...LOL. I can't decide if I am tired and want to take a nap or full of energy to run a marathon. Either way, since my last post, I have taken on the bald look. It's not so bad except that it makes for some cold mornings. Oh, and I have noticed I have Spock ears. Some men might find that sexy so why should I complain? I almost prefer the bald look to my wigs which is really sad because my wigs are so very cute. It's just a comfort issue I think. It is very difficult to explain but my head sweats and then gets cold and itches and the strangest thing...the dog tries to lick my head...all the dang time!! It is very freaky...LOL. So when I go out, the wig comes on and when I am home, the wig comes off and the dog gets put in his crate...

This 2nd round was a treat because Randy went with me and got to experience the fun associated with sitting for 6 hours watching bags of various colored fluids drip in to an IV. I made every effort to have an entertaining day for us. I brought us some snacks, my laptop with some movies, cards which we didn't even open and books from the waiting room. Within the first 10 to 15 minutes I was drooling so there he sat, bored out of his mind. I put on a movie for him but it was too dark so I tried for another and another until he finally gave in and sat quietly watching. I had to help him with the volume a time or two because the movie he was watching had some foul language in it which I am sure impressed the lady next to us...yes, the lady in the chair next to us READING her Bible!! Ugh, could he not have chosen to watch Fireproof again or All Dogs go to Heaven? Nope, he had to watch some action adventure shoot 'em up movie with the occasional *F* Bomb...this poor lady will our next round. She was next to me the first time but my mom and I were much more reserved I think...LOL.

Oh, during the infusion, my cell phone rang and the number was long distance so in my goofy drugged stooper, I am telling my cousin, Ashley, to hold on...but it was my friend, Dee, calling to wish me well and tell me she loved me. I felt like such a goon...Dee, it was the Ativan if you are reading this!! I love you too!! I was so happy to hear from her...she is such a special friend and for her to take the time to call me that day was just awesome! I know Randy was wondering what the heck I was saying and to who...LOL. I love being out of control mentally and verbally...NOT! So after the call, it seemed like it was time for lunch already! I was suddenly having new cravings. Not the same cheese pizza cravings I had been dealing with from Chemo Round 1. This time it was ONIONS!!! I MUST HAVE ONION RINGS!! My wonderful hubby obliged and off to Jack in the Box he went for a Grilled Sourdough Burger and Onion Rings...I can tell you right now, I may never eat another onion ring as long as I live. The next day those onions were still coming back up. (Sorry for the visual). Once lunch was over, he went back to his movie but the fun had just begun for me. He said he would be talking to me or watching me and then suddenly I would be snoring. Then I would start talking again....and within a few seconds here came the snores. What a trooper he was for hanging out with me that day. I imagine my last Chemo is once again to be reserved for my mommy. She is less likely to hold it against me in the future =)

I can't recall much of the day after that...I think we picked Kodie up from school and then all I remember was sleep...for days. I have been working from home but it would seem as if most of my energy in the beginning was in the evenings. I recall the first Chemo being that way too. The lovely 5oomg of steriods over the first 5 days totally messed me up sleep wise. This time I have had a few good nights but right now, I feel mentally as if I could run a marathon but physically as if I could sleep again, for days. Not happening though. When you have Chemo, you are told to rest...nap when you need it...okay, I need it!! But I can't do it...this is not fair...I want to sleep...I am tired but not sleepy...oh, and I am hungry but nauseous at the same time...figure that one out. It is almost silly the way this stuff is working.

On a very positive note, I went in to see my Radiation Oncologist for my last visit a few weeks ago and I asked him about the new pain that I had recently started feeling. I asked him if it was the Chemo killing the Cancer cells that was causing the pain. His response - "No, the Chemo has done it's your bone is regrowing and that is the pain you are feeling"...I pray that that is what is going on in my body and Dr. Gilbert is correct! I will be happy to say I am in remission for 1 year, 2 years, 10 years & forever!! That is my goal and I refuse to accept anything else. I am open to the fact that just one bad cell can create a whole world of mess for me but I know that God is in control and that won't be happening...there will be no more agressive cells alive to do anymore damage. My whole situation is a testimony as to how wondeful our God is! I will sit any day with a non believer and tell them the whole story of how my Cancer just happened to be discovered...and we can discuss whether this was a chance happenening or if a higher power had His hand in it...the answer in the end, will be perfectly clear...Our God is an Awesome God!!

Now...just have to make it through the next few days of my White Blood Counts playing their dropping games and when that is done and I am feeling better it will be just in time for my last Chemo that is scheduled for April 16th at 9:00am...I say we should have a party!! Anyone wanna come along??

Hopefully I won't wait so long to blog. This adventure will soon be coming to an end and I have hardly fulfilled my duty to keep you all up to date and entertained...I must do better in the future!!

Love you all & thanks for reading!!

Adventure isn't hanging on a rope off the side of a mountain. Adventure is an attitude that we must apply to the day to day obstacles of life - Facing new challenges, seizing new opportunities, testing our resources against the unknown and in the process, Discovering our own unique potentional.

Crazy new haircut...


Well, I went and did it...cut all my hair off. I never thought I would give in but something hit me last Friday night and I decided to go get it professionally chopped off right in to a mohawk. Hey, it's a once in a lifetime for me cause I am almost through with this adventure =) What's the old saying "when life gives you lemons..." Well, life gave me an opportunity to do something I wish I would have had the guts to do in the 80's when it was cool to have funky colored spiky hair. I am pretty sure I am damaging my kids for life...LOL! Nah, really, they were right there with me so it's all good!

Here is a picture of the finished "normal" product...hubby and I with our "Bring It!" looks...we aren't scared!

Oh...and here is my St. Patty's Day Mohawk:

No telling what is next to come...I am gonna enjoy each and every funky hair while I still have them!

Okay, you asked for it...the whole WHINEY TRUTH!


I guess I have been intentionally avoiding blogging about the whole Chemo experience because I didn't want to become a whiney little baby in public. Fact is, you my friends, were not invited to my pity party. It was purely out of love for you that I had not included you to this point. . I wanted to be strong & tough and prove to you all that I could do this....well, I can do this...just not in the way that would make you proud.

I am a mess. I don't feel good and I hate it! I want to be at work with my friends. I want to be part of the group again, not part of me and my laptop sitting at home "free from germs" (yeah my house??) so I don't get an infection worse than what is already brewing in me. Okay, so am I sounding pitiful enough? It's not like they have me on lockdown...truth is, I just have no energy to get up, get dressed and get out there...and in the words of the nurse - "if you can, we would prefer you work from home this week"...yeah, no's not like the amount of medications you have me on are going to make driving a safety issue or anything...duh.

So here it do I really feel? Well, the day of Chemo, I believe I became a "true ditsy blonde"...I just remember saying stupid stuff and feeling kinda out of it. Towards the end, I felt a lot like I had the flu. I went home and took the nausea meds and probably slept...I can't remember. The next day, I was feeling pretty good but nothing sounded good as far as food....cause nothing had flavor but I never got that strange metallic taste that other people talk about...still, I use plastic utensils. I know I went to church Sunday but that is about it....yawned through most of the sermon...sorry Preacher...The rest is pretty much a blur...I have blisters on the back of my throat, everything I eat or drink makes my cheeks hurt, my nose runs like a faucet, I have had an ongoing dull headache for days...kinda like someone smacked me in the face with a frying pan...waking up in the morning with a 300lb invisible gorilla sitting on my chest is great...making it difficult to breathe. I am shedding like a long haired cat in the heat of the's great to see your hair in everyone's Adds flavor =) I am so ready to have this crap shaved off...this weekend my friends, this weekend!! Oh, and most recently, Neuropathy!! What a great feeling! My fingertips are numb but my hands feel like someone is sending shocks through the veins down in to my hands and up to my shoulders. Seriously, is that enough? I will save the irritability and mood swings for another day. I am pretty sure this post just knocked me down a few notches on the "we are so proud of you" ladder...

Sorry my friends...the truth of the matter is this...CHEMO SUCKS!