Okay, you asked for it...the whole WHINEY TRUTH!

3/11/09

I guess I have been intentionally avoiding blogging about the whole Chemo experience because I didn't want to become a whiney little baby in public. Fact is, you my friends, were not invited to my pity party. It was purely out of love for you that I had not included you to this point. . I wanted to be strong & tough and prove to you all that I could do this....well, I can do this...just not in the way that would make you proud.

I am a mess. I don't feel good and I hate it! I want to be at work with my friends. I want to be part of the group again, not part of me and my laptop sitting at home "free from germs" (yeah right...in my house??) so I don't get an infection worse than what is already brewing in me. Okay, so am I sounding pitiful enough? It's not like they have me on lockdown...truth is, I just have no energy to get up, get dressed and get out there...and in the words of the nurse - "if you can, we would prefer you work from home this week"...yeah, no problem...it's not like the amount of medications you have me on are going to make driving a safety issue or anything...duh.

So here it is...how do I really feel? Well, the day of Chemo, I believe I became a "true ditsy blonde"...I just remember saying stupid stuff and feeling kinda out of it. Towards the end, I felt a lot like I had the flu. I went home and took the nausea meds and probably slept...I can't remember. The next day, I was feeling pretty good but nothing sounded good as far as food....cause nothing had flavor but I never got that strange metallic taste that other people talk about...still, I use plastic utensils. I know I went to church Sunday but that is about it....yawned through most of the sermon...sorry Preacher...The rest is pretty much a blur...I have blisters on the back of my throat, everything I eat or drink makes my cheeks hurt, my nose runs like a faucet, I have had an ongoing dull headache for days...kinda like someone smacked me in the face with a frying pan...waking up in the morning with a 300lb invisible gorilla sitting on my chest is great...making it difficult to breathe. I am shedding like a long haired cat in the heat of the Summer...it's great to see your hair in everyone's food...lol. Adds flavor =) I am so ready to have this crap shaved off...this weekend my friends, this weekend!! Oh, and most recently, Neuropathy!! What a great feeling! My fingertips are numb but my hands feel like someone is sending shocks through the veins down in to my hands and up to my shoulders. Seriously, is that enough? I will save the irritability and mood swings for another day. I am pretty sure this post just knocked me down a few notches on the "we are so proud of you" ladder...

Sorry my friends...the truth of the matter is this...CHEMO SUCKS!